Screen Name, Please: “Grindr Helpdesk: The Musical” at the Post Office Cabaret

Let’s start with the basics for those who don’t know: Grindr is an app used by gay men to connect. It’s not a dating app per se; it’s not about sharing your love of sunsets, or your appreciation of Proust, or your desire to someday visit Australia. No: Grindr is about “hookups”—in other words, sex.

Creator David Stillman wondered what kinds of queries the helpdesk of such an app might find itself answering, and the hilarious result is Grindr Help Desk: The Musical, now playing at the Post Office Cabaret in Provincetown through September 5th.

Owain R. Davies is Candice, an aspiring drag performer whose day job is customer support. “Thank you for calling Grindr helpdesk,” she purrs. “Screen name, please?”

And the screen names that ensue are every bit as raunchy as one might expect—but what’s unexpectedly delightful is hearing her repeat them without emphasis, as though Pound Me Hard were as everyday a name as Carl or Peter.

Candice isn’t just taking work calls; her personal life is played out—as so often happens for many of us—in between her professional obligations. Her parents have an abnormal interest in the calls she receives. Her boyfriend, impatient during a first call, ends up dumping her altogether about halfway through the show; she’s no sooner hung up one phone with him than the help desk phone trills and she has to perform the vocal equivalent of putting on a brave face. It’s impossible not to feel intensely sympathetic.

But it’s when she’s talking with her callers that Candice (and Stillman’s writing) is at her best, and while the songs, directed by Gregory Nabours, are fun and funny—Fix the Pic If You Want To Get Dick, It’s Good To Be Gay, and You’ve Been Blocked stand out—it’s her dialogue that entertains the most. “I love that hunk that’s on the left,” she tells one hapless caller trying to find just the right profile picture. “Too bad you’re on the right.”

If that sounds catty, it’s meant in the best possible way; Candice is not without sympathy and seems to sincerely want the best for clients. Most of the callers are concerned that their profiles aren’t getting chosen and want to know why. Some she advises to lighten up—one picture gives her a “true-crime-scene vibe”—while others need to better understand the audience (i.e., don’t use your profile picture from LinkedIn). Sometimes the problem isn’t with the photo; on one call, Candice immediately sees a geographical issue. “You’re in Martha’s Vineyard!” she exclaims. “There are no gays there!”

Davies is utterly divine in the role. He’s everything you want a drag performer to be—camp, shrill, sarcastic—but adds in an amazing singing voice and a deft connection to not just who his character is but also to who she wants to become. There’s a depth to his portrayal of Candice that makes her, in spite of her slightly odd profession, genuinely relatable.

But there’s not a lot of time to dwell on that, as call after call and song after song underline the universality of wanting something you just can’t seem to attain. Director Kate Pazakis delivers a remarkable sense of timing, and Stillman’s script is filled with hilarious one-liners and clever double-entendres. Welsh actor Davies is clearly British, talking about a “cheeky little perv” and saying “buh-bye” at least twice (and more often several times) before hanging up; but his character is universal—and completely charming.

Grindr Help Desk: The Musical is an hour of fun, hilarity, and good-natured raunchiness that you don’t want to miss. And you can feel good about it, too: a portion of ticket sales is being donated to the Drag Defense Fund.

Review by Jeannette de Beauvoir

Photos by Josh Rubin

Grindr Help Desk: The Musical

Post Office Café and Cabaret

Sundays, Mondays, & Thursdays through September 5